Dilbert Visits My Cube

I’ve always assumed that the only people who actually read “Dilbert” cartoons were the awkward engineer types who think Gary Larson is far too intellectual for most commoners, yet always need something to talk about when the elevator is taking to long to get to the eighth floor.  I mean, face it, “Dilbert” is basically “The Office” meets “Family Circus” (and I know how EVERYONE feels about “Family Circus”). It’s like the kind of shit your mom might cut out and put in your lunch box on your first day at your big girl job.  Not saying that happened or anything.

Well now that you understand my hatred for Dilbert and his mid-life crisis inducing humor, I must share with you that I had a Dilbert moment today. I realized my life was that cheesy, monotonous grind of micro-managing hell.

There I was, sitting in my cube, sipping on my coffee and checking only the most important Facebook statuses freshly posted at 8 a.m. when I was rudely distracted from my actual work by a superior asking me to do something or another, “… blah blah blah DILBERT.”

I held the tidal wave of hot coffee back from my burning esophagus and calmly swallowed…not just the moldy tasting coffee, but also my pride. I was being assigned the task of finding out how to legally secure a “Dilbert” comic strip for an upcoming association presentation.

A “Dilbert” fucking comic strip -- in case you didn’t get that earlier.

It was at this point that I wanted to call my parents and let them know that the small fortune they spent on my superior journalism education was being used to Google “Dilbert" cartoons.  (And also to blog in my underwear. Yup, it happens).

Instead of immediately running to the elevator and taking it up to the penthouse to jump off the highest spot I could find, I realized a couple of silver linings:

1)   I am an excellent Googler – a skill I will always have over my older co-workers who think the search engine might be run by some wizard behind a curtain; and

2)   At least it wasn’t a “Cathy” cartoon.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, you better be willing to shell out at least $225 to redistribute Dilbert’s over-cooked one liners.